What President Started Medicare?
A: Dwight Eisenhower.
Q: What is the difference between a welfare recipient and a trojan?
A: One is a fraud and the other is a condom.
Q: Did you hear about the bum who robbed a bank with a gun, took most of the money, left his pants, and ran?
A: The cops have his number.
Q: What does a woman and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have a black box.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the F word?
A: Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: So Republicans can have someone to pray for.
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Q: What does Al Gore use for birth control?
A: A map of the United States.
Q: What is the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What is the difference between Hillary Clinton and a carp?
A: One is a scum-sucking bottom-feeding parasite, and the other is a fish.
Q: What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Q: What is the difference between a Mercedes Dealer and a Jehovah's Witness?
A: One knocks on your door, the other talks to you from your front door.
Q: What is the difference between an oral contract and a marriage?
A: Oral contracts don't last as long.
Q: What is the difference between a southern Baptist female and a pit bull?
Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a woman with PMS?
A: One's an ugly, scum-sucking bottom-feeding parasite. The other is a fish.
Q: What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a brick?
A: A brick doesn't follow you around after you've used it.
Q: What is the difference between a woman with PMS and a crocodile?
A: A crocodile doesn't sit there and cry after it's caught its prey.
Q: What is the difference between an intelligent Liberal and a disgusting Liberal?
A: The disgusting Liberal has a job.
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.
Q: What do marriage and divorce have in common?
A: In both cases, you start with a diamond, and then it turns into crap!
Q: What do you call a bunch of Republicans gathered together?
A: A whine session.
Q: What do you call a bunch of Democrats gathered together?
A: A whine convention.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette...because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: What do you call a stupid Blonde?
A: A blonde moment.
Q: What do you call a smart Blonde?
A: A golden Retriever.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with a brain?
A: A rare find.
Q: What do you call a Blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What is the definition of a wet dream?
A: Something you get when you take a shower.
Q: What do you call a Blonde without an asshole?
A: An airtight.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and a blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you call a blonde with an attitude?
A: An overtime.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with an opinion?
A: A bloody women.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with an engineering degree?
A: A troubleshooter.
Q: What do you call a Blonde in a black leather jacket and boots?
A: A Fender Bender.
Q: What do you call a Blonde who is wearing a leather jacket?
A: A Collision.
Q: What do you call a Blonde with a moustache?
A: Heifer.
Q: What do you call a Blonde who doesn't send you nudes?
A: A liar.
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